When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
