hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
