i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish i was in the wii world.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
