this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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