im drinking this country out of the recession.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
