so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How naked do you want me to be?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
