She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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