then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
