someone threw a dead crab at me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
