I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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