i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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