just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
