Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
