You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
