What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize