Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
