Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
