you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
