I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
