so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
