so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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