life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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