I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
