One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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