we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
