WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
