my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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