I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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