I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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