Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i jhust puked up my retainher.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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