I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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