He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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