Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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