i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the condom got lost in my hair
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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