I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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