If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
