Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
