Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
