I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
