HIV tests are more positive than that guy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
