Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
