its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
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