I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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