coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize