By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
