There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She announced her abortion via fbk
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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