I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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