Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize