it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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