The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
