it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
