The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
