you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
