corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I supernannyed him into submission
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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