hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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