He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
