I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
