We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
