you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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