She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
