dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
