Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
In America we eat man semen.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
