He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
